me: i want to feel something

emotions: okay here you go

me: Put It Back

NEW noise canceling headphones that are so good at blocking out sound that they even prevent you from listening to your own music, forcing you to bask in the whispers of the forgotten gods until you begin to hear your own brain falling apart as it descends into madness

and now, the weather

If you’re reading this, I’m your dad now.

Go cut the grass.

It’s 2 am

You heard me. Use a flashlight.

me to my daughter when I take away her yugioh cards for misbehaving: Say goodbye to exodia

julian you can’t react to every situation by taking away someone’s yugioh cards

oh you think so ren? Say goodbye to exodia.

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me [searching the beach with my child]: sorry honey, doesn’t look like there’s any sand dollars left

child: can’t the ocean just make more of them?

me: and cause inflation? destroy the sand economy? jesus christ Tiffany, use your head

types of infused water I’ve been told to make:

  • hot dog water
  • pickles

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these two replies are worrying for different reasons

This is by far the greatest thing I’ve found in a junkyard.

So about a year ago me and my friend Nathan were walking around the “Pick-a-Part” in Clarksville Tennessee… We were searching for car badges and a spoiler to put on his trashy conversion van. While going through the lot we found what is probably the single greatest car to ever drive on any road in the world.

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You are looking at… a Dora the Explorer themed gangster car… I’ve seen spongebob themed cars, Newport themed cars, sports team themed cars, but THIS.

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trumps them all.

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OH BUT IT GETS SO MUCH BETTER!!!!

You see… there has to be a reason that a car like this…

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Would end up in the junkyard… SO me and Nathan did some looking around and tried to figure out why…

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I still can’t believe the decals on this…. wait…

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HOLD ON ONE FUCKING SECOND!

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OH!

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OH MY FUCKING GOD!

YES! SOMEONE ACTUALLY GOT SHOT WHILE DRIVING THEIR DORA THE EXPLORER CAR IN CLARKSVILLE TENNESSEE!

And THAT, is the single greatest thing I’ve found in a junkyard to this day.

okay this is totally wild but i RECOGNIZE THIS CAR

and i actually have a picture of it from its functioning days - this is dated 2012 -

parked in front of an adult store!

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Dark tumblr show me the history of this car

Show me the forbidden Carfax

CAPTCHA  1: check this box

CAPTCHA 2: select all the rivers

CAPTCHA 3: which of these tiny pictures has an apple in it

CAPTCHA 4: can you find where you went wrong in your life

CAPTCHA 5: select the reasons why my wife left me

me: opens a package and sets the box aside

my cat:

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You ever sat back and realized how much you allowed yourself to suffocate at one point in time because you were too kind?

me in third grade handing in my essay on “my summer vacation” after using WordArt™️ to make the title rainbow text

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How Food Looks Before It’s Harvested.

Sesame Seeds

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Cranberry

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Pineapple

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Peanut

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Cashew

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Pistachio

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Brussel Sprouts

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Cacao

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Vanilla

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Saffron

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Kiwi

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Pomegranate

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exactly 1 minute ago i had absolutely no idea what the plants sesame seeds and peanuts came from look like and i am shocked and surprised

albert-longslice

Here she comes

ai-void

nice

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i had a dream i put some mcdonalds french fries in my pocket and when i went to grab them and they had transformed into a box of marlboro cigarettes. nice fucking symbolism dream banksy i just wanted a snack

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